Once a month or so, we’ll do a Random Monster Mashup! This could take many forms – maybe see what happens when the monsters fight or team up, think about what kinds of circumstances might result in this situation, and even, if we’re feeling really creative, think about what happens if we stick these two monsters in a teleporter together and hit “SEND.”

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Somewhere in the deepest forest, an ancient Green Dragon lurks. It is well known what this kind of Dragon can do – with a spell here, a minion there, they can control the destinies of entire nations, reveling in the perverse joy that can only come from knowing that millions of people live and die by your whims. For most Green Dragons, the only real obstacles they face are time and the occasional adventuring party that thinks they can interfere with their plans.

But this Green Dragon faces something far more terrible, an obstacle that has proven indestructible, again and again. One that manages to interfere with its plans at every step.

A Giant Weasel.

Let’s call him Gerald.

In order to cement their control over a village merchants’ guild, the Dragon arranged for a well-respected blacksmith to be poisoned, allowing a Geas-bound artificer to take their place. The poison is carefully crafted by a Green Hag the Dragon has convinced to work with them, and it will look to all the world like the blacksmith has died in their sleep. The potion is made, the pawn is given the vial. All that is needed is to administer the toxic brew.

Gerald thought the bottle looked shiny and managed to snatch it from the assassin’s pocket and run away. Then he got bored with it and buried it. Or left it in a tree somewhere. He can’t remember.

Next, the Dragon resorts to blackmail. A local Duke secretly fathered a child with one of his chambermaids, and then had the maid and the child exiled on trumped-up charges. There are those in the Dragon’s employ who know the truth, however, and the Dragon has a blackmail letter written by a Charmed scholar that will inevitably force the Duke to start channeling resources to one of the Dragon’s other schemes. With this Duke under the Dragon’s control, the next thread in its web is spun.

Unless Gerald sneaks into the messenger’s carriage and starts shredding all the paper they have into nesting material. Travel receipts, ledgers, a blackmail letter – it all gets turned into confetti.

An elderly king with two sons is on the verge of death. The eldest, and the natural heir, is a quiet, introverted boy who never really wanted to become king. His younger brother is arrogant, power-hungry, and jealous of his brother’s position. And it is this son who has fallen under the Dragon’s influence. With whispers and charms, the Dragon has promised to remove the obstacle in his path, to give him the throne he seeks, if only he will remember who it was who elevated him. All he needs is a tainted knife and a little extra courage….

But Gerald has befriended the older son. He makes the older boy laugh and smile, brings him out of his shell. And, most importantly, when his traitorous younger brother approaches with the poisoned blade, it is Gerald who distracts him long enough for the Guards to foil the assassination. Emboldened, the older son’s first edict upon assuming the throne is to have his brother exiled to the deep forest, unaware that he is sending the young man to his doom.

This Dragon’s entire existence now turns around one desire: destroying Gerald. They have become obsessed with this peanut-brained mustelid, and create plans within schemes within machinations that solely exist in order to weasel-proof their activities. They have extra contingency plans. They have more contingency plans for when those fail. This ancient being, with some of the most powerful people in the land under their control, with the knowledge of deep history at their command, cannot manage to get rid of this one stupid weasel that keeps getting in the way, and it’s driving the Dragon mad. Because the Dragon can plan for anything, except something that isn’t planning at all.

Now your Players, seeking a secret weapon against the Dragon, consult an oracle who tells them: it is not an enchanted blade they seek, nor is it a lost spell or a fearsome army.

It’s Gerald.

The mission is simple: find Gerald, this dumb weasel who really only wants to steal shiny things and eat chickens, weaponize his chaos, and use it to bring one of the most powerful Dragons in the world to their knees.

This kind of adventure can – and should – descend into Looney Tunes style madness fairly quickly, so make sure it’s the kind of thing your Players would enjoy. The only real rules are that Gerald cannot die, and that he has no idea the Green Dragon even exists, much less how much they hate him. This is also a great chance to remember that the DM doesn’t have to know how everything is going to work out. You don’t need to know how the Players are going to weaponize Gerald. All you have to do is wait for them to come up with the most elaborate, insane scheme they can, roll a couple of dice behind your DM’s screen, and say, “Yeah, that sounds great. Go with that.”

What this and the other Mashups remind us is that there is always a new way to approach even the most classic monsters in the Manual. Let yourself be creative and put things together that were never meant to meet, and you can give your players the kind of adventure that only your table can provide.

As long as Gerald doesn’t steal the dice from you.